How to really know someone.

This is how you really get to know someone: You get to know them at a Heart level. Try asking these questions.

What is your most significant role in life?
Who is in your family?
Who is the person who has most influenced your direction in life?
Where did you grow up? Who did you grow up with?
What are your most cherished values?
How do you try to live those out?

These questions get to the Heart of a person: Identity, purpose and direction. There are many other questions you could ask (“What is your favourite colour?”, “What have you been up to?”), but these other questions, no doubt useful in their own way, aren’t related to Heart level functioning and as such won’t be as revealing.

When we understand someone in this way lovely things are afoot. Connection with another often lifts dramatically when we get answers to these questions. You will sense it in your mood state, energy level and the amount of talking that occurs after participating in the exercise. Connection is not just the result of the process, but it is also the precondition. Without safe, warm, respectful connection, the person who you are with will never even be prepared to answer the questions in a truthful way. Why would they?

The other benefit of these questions is that you can ask them of yourself. If you can not only ask them but provide answers as well, you will have a much clearer understanding of your own Heart – your identity and purpose and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be more connected with you as well.